The light before me was dark and horrendous and I felt stuck in my own very world. I was alone, with strange thoughts my only companion as they pass through my mind like electric impulses. For the first time in my life, the end of life seems nearer than I have ever anticipated. Will I be caught up in light once I’m dead? Will my soul pass through a dark tunnel? I have nothing else left in this world, nothing but pain, hurt, disappointment and lack. No money, no love, no health. Why should I live? Why be in a world that wants me not?
Once I’m dead, once I’m through with this ugly monster that have dominated my poor mortal mind, will many term me weak and a coward? Will they say I’m too feeble in heart to fight the fight of life and success? Will they blame me for leaving loved ones behind? Where are they now? Where are they when this monster was playing his tricks on me? Where are they when I was fighting for life? I was unseen, invisible…and all of a sudden, they feel I committed suicide out of cowardice. Why even use the world COMMIT?
Once I’m dead, will I hear what people will say of me? Will my name echo on some news site which I once was a reader? Events of my after death seem to matter so much now that I’m about to gulp down this poison and end it once and for all. Why do I care? OOHHHH!!! How great a dream! I wish I can fight for that dream again. But it’s too late. There’s nothing left for me, not in this world.
This poison I shall drink and bring an end to my suffering and pain. Am I selfish for trying to protect myself, for trying to pull off? I seem to be asking countless questions which its answer I will never know. Will I know the answers once I’m dead? The poison, which my hands now cling onto still stare at me, inviting me to bliss and paradise. My hands could no longer be felt, it was weak but I forced it to action as the bottle touched my lips, releasing its content, getting gulped down by my own organ.
For a moment, I knew for certain that death await at the other-side. Will my guide be The Boatman? An angel? Who is he that is coming to take me to the great beyond…a place of rest? Is there really life after death? I could feel my body getting numb. My lips, getting dry, like it will during the harmattan. My vision began to blur as my life reflects back at me. Chattering of happiness. Promising and full of life and dreams. My mother!
” Mike, you’re going to be a great man. The day I gave birth to you, there was a heavy downpour. Earth knew that a great man has touched the earth”
Oohh. How much she believed in me. She saw me as a savior and she worshiped me to the very core of her being. She loved my very steps and smile. Those glorious days still stay afresh as it if were yesterday. I felt sorry for her. For disappointing her. The evil and the good which I did played as I walk nearer to death. Pieces of images, getting cluttered that I can only but observe. Have I been a religious man? I was agnostic in my belief. Perhaps I shouldn’t have. Perhaps I should have taken a stand. I should have believed in something.
The poison which now rest within me brought no pain but peace as I gradually switch dimension. This water spacesuit, this body that comes with depressing flaws began to fade in obscurity as I observe like a distant being. I could no longer feel myself, my body. I’m supposed to see an angel, paradise… but all before me was darkness as I fade from reality. My mind was shutting down, as its processor slows in time. Everything was blank!
Slowly, I witnessed the slowest transition in my life. I saw spinning light before me. So white and blinding. My mind was now at war, to interpret the time, the place and the final verdict of my existence. I felt something soft, my vision became clear and I saw a spinning fan… A hospital?
“Thank God you’re awake. I nearly lost you Mike.” I saw a tearful beautiful smile before me. It was someone I love so much that loving has become a torment. As my lens adjusted, other beings in the room became evident. They were with flowers, many flowers. For a moment, it seems as if the world revolves around me.
I could see the confusion in their eyes despite their futile attempt to appear like a blank and unreadable book. I’m sure they were asking, how can someone who has it all attempt suicide? They never knew the battles I have to fight every day in my mind.
“Mike, we found you unconscious in your room with some harmful substance. The doctor said it’s a miracle that you’re still alive.”
I indulged in a momentary introspection, to see if the ugly monster is still deep within. He wasn’t. Life is now a gift. Why give up on my dream? Why die now when I will still die later? Why not fight for that which I believe so much in? Even if I die, at least I should die fighting.
Who knows, perhaps I was jumping from frying pan to fire because I know not of what awaits me at the other side of life. Finding out through such a means is an uncalculated risk which I should never make. Its better I find out when I’m all done with life. When I have achieved my dreams or at least, some parts of it. Suicide, from my experience is not an option, but a means to regret. In my near death experience, I saw regrets and I wished I could have turn back the hands of time. I was lucky!
WHY DIE NOW WHEN YOU’LL STILL DIE LATER? SUICIDE ISN’T AN ANSWER. IT IS A MONSTER THAT SHOULD BE FOUGHT!
The world might not be a paradise, but it will the moment you choose to see it. We all have got our plights to carry, our own share of bitterness and pain. We wish we could be more. We wish we can achieve more, failing short of our expectation depresses our very soul.
HOW TO OVERCOME SUICIDAL THOUGHT
The first step to overcoming this horrible though is refusing to entertain it. Once it comes, do something fast. In this section, allow me to guide you on how to deal with this monster that has eaten a lot of great men and women.
1. UNDERSTAND THE TRIGGER
You can’t just start feeling suicidal, there must be a trigger. In case you still can’t pinpoint the exact cause of your depression, perhaps booking a therapist will help a great deal. The major cause of depression is usually money, love, health, the uncertainty of the future. Understanding the cause of your problem means you can be helped.
2. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
After you have discovered the cause of your depression, do something about it. If it’s money, then diverse a means on how to make money. The core purpose of this blog is to unleash business ideas that can make you a fortune. Check out the business section and see for yourself.
If your trigger is love related, just know that after rain come shine. Are you in a relationship where you’re not happy? Let go. Or perhaps you love someone who doesn’t love you back, cut off and break free. If someone doesn’t love you, it means he or she isn’t the right person for you. There’s no need trying to raise the dead, just let go.
Guess what, there are over 7.4 billion people on earth. Why kill yourself because of someone who doesn’t deserve you? Don’t make that mistake my dear. Let go!
If the trigger is health related, know that by worrying, you’re adding salt to injury. No one deserves to be sick, to be inflicted with cancer, HIV, Diabetes etc. By dwelling on the positive, by always dwelling on positive thoughts, you set the pace for healing. Read about the Law of Reaping and Sowing.
HOW NOT TO HANDLE SUICIDAL THOUGHT
1. GETTING DRUNK
Many depressed people feel the quickest way to feel sane is by hitting the bar and drinking away their sorrows. Well, the drink might bring a momentary peace, but it isn’t the ultimate solution. Once the effects wear off, you find yourself in same cloth with the demon that plagues you.
You will be stunned to find out that people will indulge in sex, in a quest to forget their depressing situation. Well, it will work for the moment, but the problem will still lurk around after the act.
People do a lot of harmful things to battle depressing like taking drugs, inflicting pain on their body and being alone. Please don’t. if you can’t help yourself, nobody can.
Suicide is a monster that should never be given a space to dwell. Once it comes, give it the biggest blow ever and move on. It might be hard, but by speaking to a friend or family member about it, they will find a way to help and support you. If you feel better talking to a stranger about it, then give me a call +234 08167970969 and I will try my very best. Please, don’t leave this page without sharing this post using the share buttons below. You might save a soul. Wishing you the very best in life.